For those who can’t stomach the Bible

According to Urban Dictionary, the most popular definition of Bible is:

An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.

I’d trump that self-indulgent definition with this commentary:

I mean there are pastors today who decide which parts [of the Bible] are appropriate and which ones aren’t: “I think this part’s a little bit graphic”; “This is a little too violent,” you know; “Oh that’s a bad word”, you know.

OK, thanks Tipper Gore. You know, I don’t need your help deciding.

What, are you [going] to put a parental advisory on the Bible? “Warning: graphic language”; “Warning”, you know, “Strong language: parental discretion is advised”.

I go to the Bible, and say like, OK let’s figure out what’s appropriate. Oh, God’s saying that? That must be appropriate to say. Oh, God’s not saying that? I better not say it either. Oh, God’s not going into detail about this? Well maybe I shouldn’t either. God’s using a euphemism? Well so will I. God’s using strong language? So will I.

I mean that’s what it should be, like, oh God chooses to leave this part out? I’ll leave that part out too.

Instead of going to the Bible and trying to make the Bible conform to us, we need to conform to the Bible.

It reminds me of Proverbs 30:5—

Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.

Quote sources

  1. Urban Dictionary (2003). Urban Dictionary: Bible. Available Last accessed 31st Mar 2016.
  2. Anderson, S. (2015). The Old Testament is Our Example [sermon]. Available Last accessed 31st Mar 2016.

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